Chronic Updates
9/25/02
"Extra biscuits, please"
An amusing article was found on F-edcompany.com that made me appreciate everything great about entrepreneurs, and left me craving for fried chicken and mashed potatoes w/gravy, Mmmm.
What happened to laissez-faire capitalism?
9/5/02
If the pimp hadn't said it himself I wouldn't have believed it. Snoop's replaced the Gin in his Juice with iced tea and a lemon wedge. Blunts have been replaced with vitamin supplements, and the man with pimp hand trying his hand at "clean living" and being all that he can be, clean. What is rap if it aint extolling the virtues of getting high to get your groove on? What next, Donny and Marie Osmond bouncing down the street with their Cadillac grills?
8/12/02
Smoking so much as to make up for the spleef-free sabaticals.
7/5/02
For a whole month my bong gathered dust in the garage. What mentally felt like months, only had the physical effect of a few weeks, since it took a while for my lungs and throat to notice the change in routine. Decades of drinking deep from the bowlful of knowledge called for a month of Rest, minus the other Relaxation.
And, after a month of conscious drudgery and sober melancholy Did anything change?
For a whole month I brushed my teeth on a daily basis.
I stopped passing out in front of the boob tube.
I watched more porn and less sitcoms.
I drank more water and less soda.
I became a better, decent, honest...O.K., so it was only a month...
In the end, my self-imposed rehab rejuvenated my love and appreciation of maryjane, and, like in any good co-dependent relationship, I would "try to be more appreciative and not take her for granted".
6/30/02
A kind bud dropped a kind bud.
6/22/02
After eating some menudo (mmmm, tripe!) the lingering taste and odor of the fresh onions left an almost skunky feel in my mouth that made me crave, you know what, weeeeeeed. That hunger could've been implanted in my brain earlier in the day as I cruised the home improvement store eyeing seed packets with picture-perfect (green)basil, (green)parsley, and (green)coriander -- I could almost smell and taste those fresh herbs through the paper packets, and this just left me longing for the Kind Green Herb.
Just when you think you're over a hurdle something causes you to trip and fall flat on your face -- Ouch!.
I think I need a drink...
6/21/02
Nearly 3 weeks without weed, and about a week without RootBeer -- man cannot live on bread alone. What have I done to deserve this?
I suppose after 15+ years of daily excess I had to abstain from some of life's little pleasures for a small period (and of course I'm masterbating more than ever, go figure). The hand no longer reaches for the bong and lighter, nor the chocolates and chips, just porn and more porn. Something had to give, and at least it's a "healthy" addiction, right?
One more week of sobriety and I'm likely to do something rash -- like hold-up a See's Candies shop and run off with all of their dark chocolate Nuts and Chews.
6/10/02
So, it's been roughly a week since I've begun my anit-drug diet, give or take a few errant bong hits, and thus far the only time I've felt a (strong) urge to inhale has been during (moderately) stressful situations. Luckily 6FtUnder had their season finale around the same time and I wasn't left biting my fingers every time Brenda rolled a fatty.
And, as complacent as I feel about Bill M@her and the cancellation of PI, one of our only hopes to get green legalized was his regular banner-waving for the decriminalization of doobies. Here's an interesting take on the legal toke. Don't fault me, I'm just a geek stoner.
Hey, Pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.
5/31/02
i Hit:
a) the bottom of the baggie
b) the last bongload
c) a brick wall
d) more porn
e) all of the above
Yes, it's another heavy-hearted hiatus -- more whining about my marijuana withdrawals. Brought on by another schwack attack, my decision to withhold came after concern for my inability to continue this "lifestyle". Impending thoughts of my golden years spent with my green buddy, or the leisure life minus the leisure leaf, and I finally took a step away from shotgunning and put the lighter down.
Like all weak men, his decisions were brutal and unreasonably rigid.
A. Camus
5/6/02
Staying true to tradition I smoked South-O'-the-Border schwag to celebrate Cinco de M@yo, yesterday. Unfortunately, no hot senoritas wanted to fulfill the other part of my celebration. Regretfully, another solo fiesta at casa de mi mano.
4/30/02
Hollywood Green
Hopeful parents J@nn!f@r An!s+0n and Br@d P!++ are making concessions for their upcoming offspring: J@nn will stop smoking the green, and Br@d will smoke it outside. kewl, dude!
4/22/02
The Green Road to Recovery
How did you celebrate the Holidays? I went to a p(ot)lentiful 420 party (on 4/20 @ 4:20 p.m.) repleat with drink and dank -- and thank g0d I didn't drive...(stoner that I am, I actually forgot my pot, but brought my pipe, uh, what, too many bonghits??)
Of course, you eat too much, drink too much, and bake 'til you can no longer feel your fingers (Shwiiiiiiiinng).
Thanks to host and hostess with the MOTA-est!
4/15/02
Taxes. Flu. Phlegm. Stop.
Yeah, right, if I was a clear-thinking adult. Five days of tax prep, the last two flu-ridden and bed-ridden, and the only medicine that seems to work is green. And I don't mean Nyquil(TM).
Probably due to the flu, I hazily retired my bong and baggie 1 1/2 days ago, thinking this to be a direct route to physical health (and when you're coughing up your 2nd lung it's pretty easy to do, this time around). However, after hearing about people getting stoned today, I could withhold not longer, and took a shaky hit.
Two days of bed-rest and over-the-counter pill-popping couldn't do for my body what my leafy friend was able to accomplish in 5 seconds, and thusly I have healed myself. Almost.
4/5/02
The sweet smell of excess. Happy Friday!
4/3/02
Waiting To Inhale
Quite the braggart I was, "Nine days, baby, I can do it a-n-y-t-i-m-e!"...
So when I took another 7-day smoke-free hiatus it was a cakewalk.
However (to quote another impulse-junkie), "The heart wants what the heart wants"...
Recently I unexpectedly ran out of the glorious green, possibly due to a renewed appetite, and the few stems strewn about the coffeetable became fair game. Thoughts of oregano and other dried cooking herbs crossed my mind, but luckily not my bong, and it was at that moment that I realized: I NEED WEED.
Not a moment too soon... and I was floating on a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke.
1/18/02
9 Days of diligence...
9 Days without a spleef, doobie, hit, bongload, toke, or even a contact high....
9 Days to realize that I have only one true love in life....
and she is willing to wait for ME.
Whether it is a short break, a longer hiaitus, or just an intermitent pause, my thoughts always return to you. The way you look, the way you smell, and the way you make me feel. When I am with you I think I can conquer the world from this dusty couch. And even as I grow older and fatter you are always by my side, stroking my ego, building me up, for what will inevitably be another evening with you (pot), pornos, and then passing out. Ahhhh, Life is Sweet.
1/10/02
I am taking a week off. To breath, to smell the flowers, to spend time with family and friends, to focus on work, to... give both my bong and lungs a break. This "trial seperation" will not be easy, and in an attempt to put it out of my mind I won't be documenting this "moment" in my life. Like most addicts I will have to remove myself from those elements associated with my addiction, and the Chronic Updates is one of them. Too many remembrances of typing, and then toking, and then typing, and toking... After all is said and done I will return.
1/01/02
Happy New Year!!!
Treat yourself to a new bong and some good weed and let's get this party started!
Need more?
check out The Chronic Archives
2 more years
of Livin' on the Edge
of my couch.
| 
